Why I'm Not Afraid Of the Zombie Apocalypse

February 4, 2013 by Rieshy
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The horror movie stats are in my favor. Here's the scenario  9 members in my family:  20 year old son is patient ground 0 with the zombifying virus, in our case the flu- strain A.  He passes it to 16 year old sister who succumbs because she was the red herring-heroine and one day later she passes it to 11 year old brother who, though a plucky crewman, is tragically wearing a red shirt.  With a sympathy gasp from the audience 11 year old passes it onto brothers, aged 5 and 6, probably during a wrestling match.

13 year old gets cocky and brags about her immunity so of course she is zombified next.  Father turns as well because who can shuffle around more grumpily menacing than a 6 foot father?

Mother takes 6 year old to the hospital and is put in isolation with 6 year old zombie.  Where she promptly confuses her toothbrush with 6 year old's tooth brush yet STILL doesn't become a zombie because every zombie movie needs the quirky and scatterbrained heroine who unexpectedly doesn't turn.  And because lets face it- using a sick 6 year old boy's toothbrush is just about as stupid and gross and graphic as any horror movie is allowed to get.

18 year old sister stays home and plays piano and does laundry while the zombies rage throughout the house.  Her virtue alone saves her from the apocalypse.

Phew, I'm just glad the movie is over.  Cheers to being scatterbrained.  Now on to cleaning.  They never show that at the end of the horror movie.



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3 comments:

Charlene Turney said...

Awesome that you didnt get sick. It all goes crazy when the mom is out. Eww to using the toothbrush. My baby is 3 and she has twice come up to me telling me she has changed tooth brushes. Sorry baby girl that is just not allowed. I love that you have a big family. We have 5 children and I look forward to reading your blog as I am sure I will be able to relate to some of the stories.
I saw you on google+ and I am new to it and have a new blog. I would love some followers if you want to come check it out. http://alwayschasingmytale.blogspot.com/

JoAnn Hallum said...

YES!

CristyLynn said...

So glad that your zombie apocalypse has passed. We're still in the midst of ours, or perhaps this is round 2 or 3. They got me on the first round, but now I'm the last one standing - I must be the heroine! :)

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