Shoot Me Now

October 13, 2009 by Rieshy


Otherwise entitled: "Unexpected realizations about which nothing can be done and any attempt to explain would just make things worse." These are all purely hypothetical.
  1. You get home from a evening with girlfriends and realize that the very, very, old chili you were saving to feed to the dogs is what your husband fed the family for supper.
  2. Your 8 yo son takes off his shoes in front of the nurse for his yearly physical revealing feet shod in holey socks, of your husband's, that you had thrown away. While you are still flushing hot, you hear the nurse direct your son to take off all his clothes except his undies. He inexplicably responds, "O.K. but I'm not wearing any underwear."
  3. You wear a brand new nursing top out to lunch. You open the flap "discreetly" not realizing the flap is sealed with super human strength velcro that not only makes the most incredibly loud ripping sound but also tears through the fabric of the shirt when you try to open it.
  4. You realize your son has enough dirt under his fingernails to pot a begonia only as he sits down at the piano with his new music teacher.
  5. You hear the muffled sound of suppressed laughter from the pew behind you right as you realize your 4 yo is holding up a drawing for you to see. The drawing is of himself taking a shower, an anatomically correct shower.
  6. You leave an unbelievably crowded restaurant while holding your 2 yo's hand. People keep flinching and glaring at you. As you reach the door you realize your invisible-to-the-crowd 2 yo has been goosing people as you both passed through.
  7. You have a couple of cavities filled before taking your daughter to a consultation at a Pediatric Audiologist/Speech Pathologist. You realize that the novocain has not worn off when the office staff, with stunned expressions, cannot understand a word you are saying.
  8. You are herding your children out of Wal-mart when you realize that the small hand holding your left hand belongs to a child that does not belong to you.
  9. Your 3 yo is in a stage where he loves to shout out the name of any animal he sees. When you take him to the Duck Head Outlet store you realize he still cannot pronounce a "D" sound with anything other than an "F" sound.
Like I said, all purely hypothetical.

This post is linked to Mom's Weekly Round up.
Posted in Labels: , | 6 Comments »

6 comments:

Melanie said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the laugh this morning. I needed it. You are blessed to be able to (at least in retrospect) be able to laugh at these things. I love your kids!

Rachel said...

#8 has happened to me before. He wasn't holding my hand, but my skirt. I can't believe I didn't notice! His mom was in check out behind me and our kids were playing together. Craziness!

lesliel said...

Hypothetically speaking, didn't we make that trip to the Duckhead store together? Like, about ?? years ago?

Susan Tipton said...

Hypothetically speaking Leslie, that was on our trip together- at least 15 years ago!

Angie said...

Jeff and I have tears running down our faces. Hilarious. I think its great that you wrote these down. Now you don't have to try to remember them later when you can't. Ha. By the way I blogged tonight. I will talk to you later. Thanks for the laugh. Ang

Angela said...

Hilarious. Following from MBC. You can find me at http://thesuburbanjungle.blogspot.com/

Post a Comment