I'm sitting in a lovely and cool, though admittedly, messy house with coffee and dark chocolate. My 17 yo is in Guatemala learning Spanish. My 15 yo is gleefully out working for actual moolah. My 13 yo is practicing a gorgeous piano piece from the movie "Pride and Prejudice". My 10 yo is reading while the two babies nap. My 7 yo son is in the garage building something manly with my husband. It's a rare time of quiet and peaceful productivity. So why (besides the possible excess of caffeine and sugar) am I fairly jumping out of my skin with discontentment?
For starters; A pox on all physicians who mention possibilities of new diseases for your child, run tests, and then Neglect To Call You Back When They Say They Will.
A pox on 17 yo's who take you at your word when you tell them to have a good time and study hard and subsequently they are too busy to email you with status updates.
A pox on freelance-work and the difficulty it causes for long-range financial planning.
A pox on a dear friend's health issues and the uncertainty it's causing her.
I want to blame all these things for my discontent and for my anxiety. If only I had information! In reality I am discontent because I'm discontent. I don't want to need the information that I'm waiting for, not from Jack's doctor, not from my son Luke, the bookkeeper, or my friend's doctor. I want Jack and my friend perfectly healed, I want my 17 yo's entire future life (successful of course) emailed to me in PDF format, and I want a trust fund account in my name discovered in the bottom of my desk drawer. I might as well add that I'd like a gorgeous singing voice and an exemption from the effects of time and gravity on my figure.
It's doubtful that such an attitude could be in any way more opposed to the attitude that Christ expresses, "Pray then in this way: Our Father in heaven, hallowed by your name, Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one." -Matthew 6:9 (bold added for emphasis)
This prayer seems to hold the answer to how Paul could say, "... In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry , of having plenty and of being in need." -Philippians 4:12
I can choose to ignore all the beauty and blessings around me and rail that the Creator of the Universe has disappointed me with his time-table for my life or I can; "... not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6
Peace of God versus discontent and anxiety? Easy, to see in print. A no-brainer if ever there was one, but to be totally honest sometimes it's hard for me to choose.
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