All Dressed Up And Nowhere To Go
When you have a child with a chronic illness some days are "Hospital Watch" days. They are days that your child has symptoms on the cusp of their protocol for going to the E.R. But just on the cusp.
Days at home waiting, and watching, and wondering, if you'll have to end up in the hospital having your child admitted.
Those are the days that you dress for the hospital, just in case, to facilitate being taken seriously by doctors. You dress to not freeze in waiting rooms and because certain outfits are easier to sleep in while sitting in uncomfortable chairs.
Hospital Watch days mean planning meals that can be cooked by the family left at home. It means full tanks of gas and no teens too far afield. It means changed plans and shuffled children. It means texting your husband with updates and reassuring everyone around you.
It means constant prayer -sometimes conflicting, because on the cusp is a hard place to be, a no man's land. How disloyal and shocking is it to find oneself thinking, "I'm so scared and so tired, just nudge my child off the cusp one way or the other so we know what to do?"
Hospital Watch days are Coffee Pot days. Chocolate sneaked for that burst of energy and veggies eaten because you won't be able to get them in the hospital. They are vividly real days with every minute accounted for, nothing taken for granted.
Stomach ache days. Adrenaline days.
Sometimes they are irritable days where you just don't think you can do this anymore. You just don't want to do this anymore.
Then you kiss your child's head and breathe another prayer. A prayer not to sleep through a feeding, not to miss a reading or an alarm, a prayer for wisdom and strength. A prayer for healing.
Most of all, a prayer to please, please let me be, let me have the gift of being- all dressed up with nowhere and no need to go!
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10 comments:
I hope everything is going okay for you! Thinking of you and your family of wonderful people.
We prayed for Jack-Jack as Alan calls him. Hope things are on the upswing for you guys.
Things are going really well. We got to stay home! My son bounced back so quickly that we all have whiplash:)
I love this kind of whiplash.
A really moving post that lets those of us with the luxury of healthy children into the amount of corrdination and management you need to be a Mom in your house. Thank you!
Susan I love how real and honest you are. Thank you for this, it's actually encouraging to see you walk through valleys because you do it with a sense of humor, faith and grace.
HUGS!
"It means constant prayer -sometimes conflicting, because on the cusp is a hard place to be, a no man's land. How disloyal and shocking is it to find oneself thinking, "I'm so scared and so tired, just nudge my child off the cusp one way or the other so we know what to do?"
You described that place, that prayer perfectly. So glad he's doing better.
It is in this place, this no man's land that I bet the strength, calm, humor and faith that I read between the lines of your writing is birthed.
Blessings and good days to you and yours!
I had one of those same days today. I hope you got to stay home! I am still home, and hoping I still will be tomorrow! found you through JoAnn.
I am so relieved to read that he bounced back. But keep eating the chocolate. I almost never eat while under stress, but then I do relief eating!!!!
I cant imagine what you go through. You are remarkable.
Feeling blessed to be alive, I'm even enjoying cleaning today. Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers!
I'm amazed at how many women out there understand or can empathize with this sort of life.
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